by Ted Guhl

1.
I keep making a mess of my space and you keep reminding me of it with your quiet eyes.
This afternoon I want to hide, whimpering, in the dark like a child afraid of the bogie man.

Will you come and wash my face?
And go through my pockets with me,
help me sort out the change from the lint and old candy ?
We do not have to hide to do that.
Let the whole world see my secrets as long as you are open, laughing at me.

As long as you are here talking, I am quiet.

2.
In my bedroom closet I keep my suits of influence.
When I go there to dress,
I am dressing a nakedness of which I am no longer ashamed, nor afraid.
What mystery awaits the day I leave this house without a visit to the closet?

3.
The tipsiness you observe is the result of too much attention;
the notice of other people who, laughing and crying, toss me back and forth.
I feel like a candle whose flame is flickering in the breeze from a window (you) and a door (your son).
To be steady I need a chimney,
of glass I hope.

4.
The light can only come in clearly through a clean pane.
I keep washing windows at night,
but I am out so much of the day that the results are uncertain.
Perhaps the late afternoon sun as I rake leaves is enough.
Will these chores ever end?
At least I keep thinking of light when it is dark.

5.
The role of solid citizen I enact is not truthful.
The actor hasn't enough stage presence to create unity.
Whenever the scene calls for saying one's lines perfectly
he forgets and the other characters jump in to "save him".
Please, no final performance yet, just a little more rehearsal.

6.
Each day my teacher performance gets a response from one member of the audience or another;
an eye opens wider, or there is a laugh or a moan,
depending upon the scene.
This is satisfying,
as if Tao were pulling the strings.
But each day many of the audience are heard snoring and that
feels like a bad review coming. This too is Tao.

7.
You found me today by the sound of my wandering.
I was restless because I was lost
and wanted to stay that way.
You are so heartless in your searching that I must keep moving until you find me.

Your cat stalks this house all day long and never goes anywhere.
Whatever marvelous cat scenery she finds, she seems unmoved.

8.
And why do I keep finding things to do?
Like a mad robot stocking the pantry
then unstocking the pantry?
Moving can goods back and forth is not nourishing.
If I were really hungry enough I'd eat,
but canned spaghetti is too filling.

9.
I had trouble remembering where I was going this morning.
When I arrived at the theatre I said, "Ah, of course!"
It was quite a scene the dramatist wrote for me, it played so much like yesterday's scene only different.
I could tell you some of the differences but it wouldn't make any difference.

10.
Anyone could have been a member of the cast this morning.
The director couldn't say, "No."
How can I refuse anyone when I don't know who the characters are, or what the scene is until it is performed?
This is fun.

11.
I can't remember any lines today?
(How can I be a good director unless I'm a decent actor?)
How can the cast act unless I forget to direct.
See what I mean?