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Wadi Musa
I sit here on a stone bench by a road in Wadi Musa, Jordan.
On a nearby hillside beneath a stand of mimosa and olive. A Bedouin horse flicks his tail indolently at flies. The sound of hammering drifts down from cement and stone houses at the top of the hill. The sunlight is soft air is turning from the cool breeze of morning into the sharp dry heat of afternoon. My mouth is dry and my back aches deeply from the exercise of yesterday's long hike through the ancient city of Petra and the jouncing of the camel ride back. Oddly, my spirit is quiet And thoughts arrive slowly and easily. Tina, my traveling companion of late, is back in the old city still reveling, in the carved rock and ancient dust of the place. Such solitude. Suddenly I sense it the knowledge of your existence, Somewhere in New Hampshire I assume. It is a relief from some arid part of me (an aridity not unlike the dryness I feel on my tongue.) And for some inexplicable reason I feel an urge to write to you about it. "The memory of love exists in me the way the ghosts of that old city exist in its crumbling facades," I remind my self. Yet that self-whispering is insufficient. I so often feel, in the journey through interior dry and ancient places, a palpable thirst. "You could not accept its death," my small voice tells me, a truth that is, I suspect, as old and lasting as these hills I gaze at. Why do I write to you about it? I have no desire to lead you to any ancient ruins of the heart. (As much as I believe them to be terribly beautiful.) Nor, do I expect you to be an oasis to me again - not while I contain a residue of self-pride. Yet the desire to write is there. Taking a drink from my water bottle, I whisper a word or two to Paco and Ray, and I feel them with me as surely as I feel the heat that now begins to surround me as I sit too still. They are soothing ghosts who, like the water, bring respite. I suppose it is that simple, finally. I write to you about this because the telling itself is like a moist bandana to wipe the dust from my face. The telling, like the memory, seems to lift the dryness and provide a momentary reprieve from the hot dust of this day's trek. Tamam |
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